# Through her Hair

“Hey Anirban, Can you please help me with this.”  Riya with her sugary yet arrogant voice squeaked. It was unusual to the class and it is unusual to see the topper of the class asking her mediocre pal for a help in mathematics. Riya was the consistent topper of the class with no competition since the last three years. I was taken aback. Being a shy boy I was reluctant to talk to a girl. And Riya, my role model, asked for help. I started to get red but managed myself with some struggle. It was a strange feeling for me experiencing it for the first time since I got my senses. I was a mediocre student scoring average marks but highly passionate in science in general and mathematics in particular. Even my circle regarded me as a genius nerd who can solve even the toughest problems . Oh did I say friend circle, it consisted of only five including me. 
“Oh Riya, Sure, this seems easy, I will explain it.” I started but with shivering hands. The adrenaline rush made my heart pop out and beat loud enough to be audible. But with great struggle I managed to explain the solution to Riya. Riya was happy. Her large black eyes stretched and glowed with her smile, ”Thank you so much, I spent two hours but still couldn't figure it out”. I was awestruck and stared at her like a child stares at his favourite chocolate. It was the first time I had so much interaction with a person from the opposite gender for such a long time. I had always admired her. Long back when we were toddler I saw her write a dictation. I was really amazed by how fast she writes.

 Throughout the day the incident kept playing on my subconscious mind. I was just not able to get off her smile. Her front two teeth overlapped in a beautiful way that made it even more attractive. So many scenes were going on in my mind. She was in a sky blue saree standing beside me and smiling sweetly and graciously! Who could even imagine the storm that was going on inside my heart. I was just entering my teenage years. Days passed and Unknowingly I started having a big crush on her.

 We started having more frequent conversions. I liked talking to her. My day used to go in vain when she wasn’t around. I was a science nerd but what happened to me? It was something that was beyond my understanding at that point of time.

  “Which team will you be joining this year in the annual function drama?”  Ravi one of my close friend asked me. I thought to myself, How nice it would be if me and Riya get into the same team. One of our favourite teacher Anupama maam selected me and Ravi for her drama team. My fingers were crossed. I was praying to God. But  she took us to the practice hall for rehearsals.Riya wasn’t the part of this team. I was sitting with a morose expression. My friends knew nothing and they were surprised with my strange behavior. I didn't talk to anyone neither was I able to show some enthusiasm with the upcoming script. I was uninterested in everything that day. Even mathematics my longfound love was making me bored. I was just praying for some magic to happen so that Riya becomes the part of the team. The day passed I came home. I acted to be normal as I didn't want my parents to catch me with such feelings.

 I had fever that night, not because of the heartbreak that I had in the morning but some viral fever. It took me a day to recover. I felt the day to be a bit long to pass as I was just cramming to meet her and get a sight of her smile. The smile never got off my mind since that day. From my very early childhood whenever I was sad or not in a good mood for a long time, I had a problem, My mind would spin and it seemed as if all the walls from four directions would be coming together and would crush me slowly. It was a strange thing that used to happen. And worse thing is that it used to happen during the night when I used to be alone sitting in my room with some books. I was scared, I was frightened. And when things got out of control, I started shouting for help. My mother came running from the other room. She asked in panic “What happened, why are you shouting?”. I came into my consciousness. I was shivering violently. My mother knew all this before. Every time she would ask what happened but this time she did not even bother to ask the reason. I was a bit scared too, even doubting that my mother might just guess the reason for my strange behavior. But then ruled out my hypothesis as no one except me knew exactly why I was in that mood. But with all these tiring events going on the top of my high fever, that smile that I saw a month ago was preventing the heaviness from coming near me.  I wanted to sleep but could not. I tried hard but failed. I was going through something strange and unknown. 
After a sleepless night, I was finally getting ready to go to school the next morning. Waiting for the classes to get over, finally the bell rang. Still I had some hope left that Riya would be in our team only. I was praying to God continuously, “Please God do some magic, please let her be in our team.”.  As soon as the rehearsal time started I started walking towards the hall. And to my utter surprise, Riya was by my side. She was walking just beside me. “Am I dreaming? How can this happen!” I asked myself. It made my day. I just could not believe it. “Is it real, really!”. “You know Riya is our new member who joined yesterday” Someone said. I didn't even notice it was beyond my capacity to contain myself. Riya was sitting on the third bench alone, looking here and there. She had a beauty spot on her cheek. It caught my attention for the first time. She had long hair till her shoulder and some locks in the front were kissing her pink cheeks. Two large bright eyes decorated with kajal on the lower eyelids were enough to make my heart pop out again. Suddenly I could hear my heart beat. Something different was going on throughout, whenever I would see her I used to have a strange pulse and sometimes even goosebumps.

 Though I couldn't understand what was happening, I was happy. Though it was strange, it was nice. Riya became my first crush, but never did I have the courage to confront her. I blushed and sweated everytime talking to her.  I wanted to be her friend, just a normal friend, only to spend some time with her, and to share all the experience that I was going through. It looked far, far from reality as if a curve was trying to kiss his asymptote, but magic did happen, what if some day we become friends, maybe best friends, maybe more than that. 
Things were going as usual. Our friendship was blossoming. We were becoming closer. The once impossible was slowly turning out into reality. We used to sing together some days. I don’t used to hear any kind of music before but I started loving music only to impress her. There were two dramas that were planned. One was a type of poetry by Shakespeare. I was playing the part of a Lover boy. I was struggling with the role.
 “Anirban, what would you do when you need to propose to someone in real life?” said Riya. The whole group bursted into loud laughter, even the teachers. I managed to mumble, "I... I don’t know. Maybe... maybe I'll just... say it?" The laughter grew even louder. Riya tilted her head, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "Just say it? That’s so boring! You need to make it heartfelt. After all, you're playing the Lover Boy!" she teased.
I tried to laugh but deep down, I was in a storm. Her question: What would I do if I ever needed to propose? And more importantly, would I ever have the courage to say those words to her? The irony wasn’t lost on me—I was rehearsing a lover's role, yet in real life, I couldn't even gather the strength to tell her how I felt.
From that day on, I started putting more effort into the role. Late at night, I would stand in front of the mirror, practicing lines, imagining Riya standing in front of me instead of my reflection. The poetry of Shakespeare started feeling more relatable, and each word seemed to resonate with my own emotions.
Riya noticed the change. “Anirban, you’re getting better at this! Maybe you’ll become a real Lover Boy one day,” she said with a playful grin during one rehearsal. Her words made my heart leap and audible enough to get her attention, but all I could do was smile awkwardly. Little did she know, she was the reason behind my every word and the reason my performance was improving.
The rehearsals went on, and with each passing day, our bond grew deeper. But the unspoken truth between us remained, like a delicate thread weaving through every stolen glance, every unspoken message, every shared laugh, and every moment spent together.

 We became close friends, that was far beyond my imagination. We started spending more time. But as time passed, I realized that my bond with my friends started to loosen.

 During this time I was developing a keen interest in star gazing. I was getting more and more interested in different planets and constellations. I had a powerful binocular which I used in gazing stars. There were many stars due to light pollution that are not visible to the naked eye but can be seen through a binocular as the surface area of vision increases. It was November, 2016 smartphones were getting more and more popular among the Indian masses. People started using     whatsapp over facebook as a social media for communication. My parents were a bit strict. So I was not allowed to use the smartphone.
 “Hi aunty, I am Vishal can you please call Anirban”
 She used to call me on my keypad phone sometimes by lowering her pitch to convince my mother that it was a boy. My mother knew Vishal, his voice was more of a female kind. Hours seemed like minutes.
 “What is your favourite food”
“Chocolate” I said
 “Your favourite colour”
“Green”
 Riya : “Mm Why do you get so nervous while talking with  me. Do you fear me?”
Me: “Yes a lot, you seemed to be a very shorttempered girl.”
 She chuckled “I am not a witch though, why fear me then?”
Gathering some courage I replied “You look like a ghost, a very scary one”
 She started laughing.
“Don’t you like talking to me, am I bothering you a lot”
 The words came charging towards me. I was a bit scared. Why did she ask me this question? Did I do anything wrong?
 I hurriedly said “No I like talking to you, but why are you asking me this question?”
 “Nothing just asking, It is always me who always starts the conversation and sometimes you ignore me as if you don’t even know me. I thought maybe I am bothering you”

 I tried to give a smile and replied “Actually I am really afraid of you, so I don’t have courage to speak to you”
 And then after a bit more chit chat, our conversation ended.
 I had a bad habit and after eight years I still have that habit. I feel as if I am disturbing or rather bothering a person by trying to start a conversation unnecessarily.

 We had a lot of fun on the Annual function day. She was doing the role of Mother Teresa. The makeup man drew the wrinkles with black coloured pen. She was looking more like a cat than Mother Teresa.
 
It was January end 2017, chilly cold nights. The air carried the faint smell of burning firewood, and every breath I took felt crisp and refreshing. I was on a trip to my ancestral village, a place where time seemed to slow down. Nights were cold but not enough to stop me from star gazing. For the first time, I was able to observe the Milky Way. It was a patch of stars. But then my keypad phone started to ring. Ravi in a joyous mood told me we are selected for this year's exhibition. We would be representing our school in a district level science exhibition competition. It was my long cherished dream to win this competition.

 After the trip we started to work on our project. We were working on an earthquake detector with a 555 ic and a design of a house that could withstand all natural disasters. I would be working on the building the project and Ravi would work on the charts and documentation. I worked day and night, reading volumes of staff on 555 timer ic. I was getting frustrated. The circuit was getting more and more complicated. And developing a circuit on a temporary breadboard is even tougher. Just two days to go. I was getting nervous and was getting irritated by small things.
 My phone vibrated:
 "I don’t have time for your nonsense right now. Just leave me alone!"
 
“Anirban! Ohh sorry for bothe…….” beep beep

 I threw all my stuff in frustration. It was the fifth time I failed. Still somewhere a hope left in me that in the sixth time I may succeed. Started out again, doing everything with more attention and care. Used new wires instead of the old ones. I was testing each part before moving forward.



And voila!! It worked. I was at the top of my excitement. I was just dancing. Took my cell phone, dialed up her number. No answer came. It changed my mood. I was regretting it badly.
 It was a two day event. The judges would come in the second day and the results would be announced on Day 2 evening. Day 1 went on a boring note, though we were high on energy. Lots of visitors came, sometimes even HODs from colleges, to see our project.
  We got to know about our judges. It would be a panel of 3 people. One is the HOD of physics from the city college. One is a Professor at IIT Kharagpur. And the other was HOD of chemistry.
 Day 1 was about to end. I was nervous as well as a bit sad.
 Day2 started. It started like the previous day only. Just 20 min left and the judges would arrive in our room. I was talking with one of my friends from another school.
 There was a tap on my shoulder. I looked back in surprise. Riya was standing but with a faded face.
I exclaimed “You!!! Here”
 “Actually I was in the Painting competition here representing our school. But I thought of meeting you once.”
 Then I saw the judges entering the room.
 “Meet me once during the award ceremony on the backside of the stage. I will be waiting for you there. And I know you will surely win this.” She said in a melancholic tone  and went away before I could say anything.
 I started nervously , stumbling on a few occasions but it went out quite well. There were some cross questioning. I dealt with them nicely.
 After the judges had left, people started guessing who could be the potential winners. There was a project in some other room that way too glamorous that we could imagine.
 But all these things weren’t bothering me at all. “What would she say, Why did she call me alone…..Should I take a friend with me…”
 
I was just going restless. Time wasn’t passing. Seconds seemed to be hours.All our parents had come. I went to the back side of the stage hiding so that no one could see me. She looking at the opposite direction. I went slowly, gently grasping a strand of her hair between my thumb and index finger, giving it a subtle pull.
 She looked back surprised. Then I started smiling.
 “You shouldn’t touch a girl’s hair”
 “I want to run my fingers through your hair…..”
 I said and then realised the seriousness of what I said.
Riya said “Anirban Do you like staying with me?”
 “Mm yeah I like spending time with you”
 She said “Do you like me?”
 I started changing to red. And I was beetroot red when this question came.
 I gathered all the courage of my life and said:
 “I have made the most important discovery of my life: It is only in the mysterious equations of love that any logic or reasons can be found.I'm only here tonight because of you.You are the reason I am.You are all my reas…..”

 She shouted “Shut uppp”
 “Whom did you copyyy”
 I said “John Nash, my favourite mathematician”

 She started giggling “I knew it huhh.”



“You have to take me out to dinner if we both win the competition today.”

 My whole world started moving from the east to the west. Did I hear it correctly? “Am I dreaming”
 “Noooo, You aren’t, meet me here after the ceremony” And she went away.
Still I was out of consciousness. I stood there for some minutes, not able to get what was happening. The Award ceremony started with  welcome speeches and performances.

 It was February 8, the day of victory, the night stretched on, the world holding its breath, and so was I. The answer was in her eyes, but I wasn’t sure if I was prepared to face it. Is it the end of the best part or a new beginning? Was I ready for what was about to unfold?